This week I have been reflecting on motherhood. I have thought about everything from finding out I was pregnant, to the hospital trip, the never ending labor and delivery (arrived at hospital at 11pm on August 17th, Gabriel graced us with his presence at 7:01pm on August 18th).
When I found out I was pregnant, I had no concrete life plan. I had a plan and then one day I decided that plan wasn't what I wanted, but I didn't know what I wanted. So, I did the only logical thing one can do ---I just stopped making decisions. Around me, my friends were continuing careers they had been in for a few years, returning to school to start a new career or further the one they had, starting to get married, moving to new cities and new states. Life was happening around me.
Then, as EPT told me, life was growing inside me. I was nervous, but I was not afraid. I was stressed, but I wasn't losing sleep. I repeated over and over again "I am going to be a mom." I'd look thoughtfully in the mirror as I said this, as if somehow the mirror would show me what that meant. Hey, it shows who is the fairest of them all! I did the only logical thing one can do --- I started making decisions -- my child needed me to. I may have been failing at my own life, but I was not going to fail his. I never have failed him and I never will.
Gabriel is the reason I became not only the person I had stopped being, but better than she ever was. Do I have days where I am exhausted? Hello, it's Wednesday and I have already worked 4o hours. Am I ever unsure that what I decided Gabriel could or could not do was the right decision? Of course. Do I suddenly cry at Hallmark commercials and shake my head at teenagers? Yes, but really some of those commercials are sad and have you seen how teens act today? The bottom line is, I am a great mom, who is raising a great son. Time is happening around me and I am treasuring every second.
I brought my son into the world (ok, so there was some help from my doctor) but my son showed me the world.
