No, You Can't. Yes, I Can.

One of my biggest problems has always been listening when someone tells me what to do.  No, you can't drive in this snow storm (I did without issue); no, you shouldn't wear those shoes with this ice (I fell); yes, you should always put the guards on your ice skates (cut lip). Sometimes, my stubborness or my belief that I know what is right, correct, better has worked out, sometimes, not so much.

It didn't help that I was raised by parents, who taught me that I could achieve anything I wanted to achieve.  I could be anything, I could do anything.  My mom worked long hours in the ICU Department as a RN, when I was young, she picked up over time hours whenever she could.  I never wanted for anything to be honest.  The latest K-Swiss shoes, had them.  The hockey skates for Friday at Winterhurst when the borrowed figure skates were no longer "cool", bought.  The new outfit for the dance even though I probably had clothes I hadn't worn yet, bought. The private liberal arts college, when she had prepared for only state school, paid. The wedding dress I ripped out of a magazine and saved for half a decade not realizing it was couture, wore it. My dad was working on a college degree when I was in grade school.  I would attend classes with him at a very young age.  I didn't know I wasn't "in the class".  I aked questions.  Professors shamed the college kids, who didn't pick up what this little girl did.  He called out injustices in socio-economics, in treatment of people.  I stood on the lines with him, I called out grown-ups, who used degrating words, that treated people poorly.  I dreamed big, and they supported it. 

In my early 20s, I became lost.  I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore (see previous blogs). They say God laughs when you make plans, I despised Him for his laughter, for His lesson that I wasn't in control.  Yes, I was, how dare He make me doubt.  Show Yourself, play on my field.  Show himself He did.

In the mist of confusion, in the mist of figuring it out, I found out I was pregnant.  I hadn't really even thought about kids, and then bam, I had to think about the baby I would have.  I had to grow up. I didn't make a plan, I did something out of my character.  I took one step at a time, one step at a time towards the life I wanted not knowing yet really what I would do "when I grew up."

When asked on interviews why I chose HR as a profession, I tell the truth.  I followed a lead a friend gave me and I applied for a recruiting job.  I had done a lot with recruitment in college for my sorority, for Greek Life.  Surely, it had to be similar.  I fell in love with the world of recruitment, with training, with developing others.  I knew I had found my calling.  I had found my calling because of the angel, I would name Gabriel.  I wanted more, I was hungry.  I went back for my MBA.  I worked around 45 hours a week, took my graduate classes, ran a household, and raised a baby.  I graduated with a 3.87 GPA. I achieved it.  

My career grew, I focused more on all areas of HR, stepping more and more away from talent acquisition and more and more into employee relations and performance management coaching. I started to earn a name as "the one to ask", the "one to get coaching from".  My career was not without setbacks (see previous blogs), but I started to feel like those post college years spent in non-career jobs, were no longer important. 

Gabriel has morals, he calls out adults who treat others poorly, he has a vocabularly that people don't believe.  He plays soccer forty some weeks a year, baseball in the summers, piano lessons.  He plays on his iPad, he doesn't understand why social  injustice exists.  He talks about Yale, Harvard, and sometimes how he's gonna move to New York City.
The past year has been challenging.  My hours are often difficult, I've missed a few school functions, I've lost sleep, I've woken up in the middle of the night and turned on a lap top, I've arrived at work at 4am, I've left work at 4am.  I found a mentor to help me help my employees even more.  Turnover has decreased, employee morale has improved, employee engagement is strong. When asked in interviews why I am passionate about my field, I tell the truth.  I make a difference to the business, to people's career path, to lives.  I am one of the lucky few that gets to go to work everyday and earn a paycheck doing something I love, not something I have to do.

Today, I was told that if I truly wanted out of my career, what I have stated (executive level is my end goal), that I would have to dedicate more to work and less to sick child days, soccer games, family life. That I couldn't have it all.  That in today's world, you have to make the hard choices.

I've made the hard choices.  I finished an undergrad degree in Political Sciences, I knew I would never use. I ended a relationship with someone I loved very much, when I knew he didn't feel the same anymore, when I could barely stand up from the knowledge. I went back for a MBA when I still needed my full time job and was raising a child in diapers.  I supported my husband when he quit his job and went back to nursing school, at a time when we were not fully prepared for my salary alone.  I brought a puppy home when my work hours were long and my child's social calendar was reminiscent of my teen years. Those are just the ones I am willing to share on a social blog.

So tell me again, what I can't do?  I don't think I heard you correctly.  I can do anything I set my mind to achieve.  

I Never Had a Sister Until...

When my brother was in high school, he ended a very long term relationship with the girl, who had been his first love.  Like a typical teen boy, he started dating several girls over the course of a short time.  As I was away at college, and none of these girls stayed around long, I didn't pay much attention.  My mom had some concerns (her middle name is actually Worry), but I thought it was pretty normal.

I was home for a school break, and noticed a little bit about what my mom was worried about.  My brother was not in a good place still.  I understood.  As a result, I did my sisterly duty and paid absolutely no attention to any of the girls that would show up at the house.  ...and by that I mean, I was rude.

Then I was leaving to go out with friends and noticed there was a Tempo in the driveway.  A girl that drove herself? Maybe she didn't care about the red Mustang my brother drove.  Then I saw her, tall and blonde.  I rolled my eyes and left.

Over the course of the next decade, she would prove me wrong.  She would treat my oldest niece like her own daughter, she would drive the kids to Alliance for a family funeral, which my brother could not attend, when she wouldn't know anyone, she would put up with my brother, and my mother.  Those are not easy tasks...

She's been there for me during mother doubts and marital challenges.  Literally, sometimes arriving 5 minutes later to my house. She carried my dog when I could no longer pick him up, she was there when we had put put him to sleep.

As a little girl, I would sometimes pretend I had a long last sister, who I would find and then confront my parents.  (This would at times mean painting my brother's nails...).  I guess  I just never knew that I would eventually have a sister, my brother just needed to find her.