Dark Circles and Laugh Lines

On Monday, I will turn 36. I'm a few pounds heavier than I would like, I take pride in the few fine lines I see when I smile hard and laugh hard. My under eye dark circles are erased by my eye cream and water. Genetics I am fighting, time I welcome, but hours in the day are not enough. I made a decision tonight to relax with a glass of wine instead of working out. It wasn't the best decision for my goals, but it is the one I made. The last few years I have learned I can survive through economic downturns, through marriage heartaches, through disagreements with loved ones, through loss of once upon a time true friends. OK so it was 2 glasses of wine. Years ago, or maybe even last year, I would have taken this opportunity to not look at what I have to be thankful regarding, but rather what I haven't yet achieved. I have been hard on myself for as long as I can remember. I have high expectations, I am my own worst enemy. For a few moments, I started down this path again. Thought about the jeans I couldn't yet wear as I came closer to 40, thought about the level of my career and it's compensation as I near 40, thought about a house I love that even though reasonably priced, I can't purchase and take it's for sale sign down just yet, thought about once upon a time. Thought about grad school loans and upcoming Ignatius tuition. *pause while I sip wine not thinking above paragraph* Then I thought about the bigger picture. I thought about all I have accomplished through trials and tribulations, through personal struggles I have not yet blogged regarding, perhaps never will. It always works out, not always on my timeline. I realized that 36 is just a number, that I may be getting closer to 40, but I wouldn't go back to closer to 20, or closer to 30. I've accomplished too much, learned too much, become closer to my true potential. There is no going back, only forward. I will meet closer to 40 head on, I will pack away the white flags and tears. I am a woman, a mother, a wife. I will concur. I do not know or recognize any other way. My life is not up for comparison, my life is mine to own, and it may be the only thing I own outright until I hit that next decade.