Last week, two people, I love and care about received tragic and unexpected news telling them of the loss of a loved one. In one case, a sister; in the other, a nephew.
Over the last 72 hours I have given death a lot of thought. I do not mean in a morbid, sad, or dark way. I mean in a mature, thoughtful, retrospective way. Death is, afterall, one thing we will all experience multiple times throughout our lives, and one day, we too shall die leaving our loved ones in the wake of our departure.
Experiencing loss can be earth shattering, even when you know the loss is coming. I have known several people, who have experienced the death of a loved one due to long-term illness. They have all told me the same thing: you can prepare the logistics, you dabble on the verge or various stages of grief, but until the loved one is actually gone, the full spectrum of the loss, the full spectrum of grief doesn't really hit you.
The other thing they have all shared is you have an opportunity to communicate. You say all the things you have wanted, you don't wait until tomorrow to make sure the other person knows you loved them, their kids will be raised with love, their dog will come to your house, and you will make sure the ugly stuffed animal they have had since they were 2 years old does not get thrown in the trash.
But what if death comes and it wasn't expected? What if you never had that final chance at communication? What if the last thing you said was hurful?
We seem to take for granted that we will always have tomorrow. The truth is the rest of today isn't even a guarantee. Every day we wake up and can open our eyes is a gift. Maybe we need to start living like tomorrow is not a guarantee.
Did you ever hear parents speak about how well behaved their kids are in the company of strangers? Or how about how Ms. Temper Tantrum is angelic at her friend's house even eating all of her snack with no complaints? While I am not a psychologist, the reasoning behind this is children will test their boundaries and push limits when surrounded by the safety of loved ones - i.e. parents, the babysitter, relatives they see often. Adults, sometimes, don't seem much different...
Think about your interactions today. You probably smiled sweetly to the cashier at the grocery store. You probably even waived to a neighbor. Perhaps, you paid it forward by buying the person's coffee behind you in the Starbucks line.
But...
What was the last thing you said to your spouse? Have you called either of your parents in the last week? If tomorrow didn't happen, would you be ok with how things are right now? I mean this very second. That's a hard question to face, but face it, we must.
I try very hard to be my best self every day. While I am a work in progress, I know I have made great strides, and I know I have others to make.
I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, but I will continue to be better each day. I will remember the most powerful and hurful weapon is something we all have: the power of our communication.
