That I May Grow in Courage, Graciousness and Peace

I attended Mount Union College (kna University of Mount Union) where even if a person was not in your major, didn't live in your dorm, or wasn't your neighbor's friend's cousin, you probably knew them. My high school was larger at the time.

My two close friends and I went through Recruitment after the Christmas break. At the time, that was the earliest a freshman could participate.  We ended up in different sororities and yes, we stayed friends: the poster children for Greek life, people joked. At the time, I didn't really understand what sisterhood was going to mean, how deep the bond would be, how this membership would tie me to great women all over the world, how this membership would shape the woman I would become.

Home from school one Christmas, I was doing what most early 20s girls were doing, hitting the mall to spend my hard earned money.  I had a white ball cap on displaying yellow Alpha Xi Delta letters. I noticed an elderly woman get up using her walker.  I think it was her struggle and the look of worry on her younger companions face that caught my attention.  She was walking towards me, I stepped to the side not wanting to block her path.  She stopped, turned to me, extended her arm and gave me the AZD hand shake.  She had gotten up to give me the handshake.  She saw our letters.  It was at that moment that "membership for life" had meaning. 

Throughout the next 4 years, Alpha Xi Delta became a part of my life, a part of me, through both joy and sorrow, Alpha Xi Delta had something to give, I had something to gain. I didn't always see the "something to gain".  Like many of life's lessons, you don't realize you learned something until later.

During a Greek Conference,  I had a conversation with the Greek Adviser regarding a change I thought would be best for our process.  I knew it would not be popular.  She cited " that we may grow in courage" and I knew I needed to move forward. Years later, I would run across the following quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:  "When you have decided what you believe, what you feel must be done, have the courage to stand alone and be counted."  I continue to grow in courage, recently being the only dissent in a managers' meeting.

During college, I was upset, tearful when something I expected to happen did not. It was a huge blow...to my ego... not to my work as I had thought at the time. I vented to the same Greek Adviser, who had moved on to another position.  Tears streaming down my face, sobs coming from everywhere (and as mentioned in previous blogs I am not a crier).  Again she cited The Symphony of Alpha Xi Delta:  "without bitterness or defeat we may encounter misfortune and with humility meet success."  I held my head high and carried on with my day. Years later, I would find out my boss was passing off my work as her own to Partners and Managing Team of my employer.  Believe me I wanted to do many things.  I was not in a position to do anything. I held my head high and persevered onward. I do remember hearing some time later that it became apparent to some that the work may not have been completed by my former boss. Apparently, this particular person was unable to answer questions related to the data, process, and plan during a presentation. I guess she never found my FAQ...I'd stop and pick her up if I saw her stranded on the highway in the rain.  Bitter leaves a bad taste in your mouth.  Bitter is bad for the soul.

Since graduation, the words of The Symphony have come to have more meaning.  Life changes, you mature, you start a job, you lose a job, you end up in a career, you change your career path, you get laid off, you fall in love, you have your heartbroken, you have a family, you lose loved ones, friendships grow apart, friendships end. Words become meaningful, their role changes in your life. You stop taking so much for granted. You shake your head at teenagers in the mall. You no longer spend countless hours wondering why he/she didn't just love you, why he/she couldn't just own what they did, how no one else could see it that way, why he/she will never change.  You just accept it and move on, being grateful you know who you are, you hold your values and beliefs in high regard. You own your mistakes, you face your challenges, you develop, you learn, you move on, and you become better.

I have found peace.