I spent the better part of the last week trying to figure out exactly how I was going to survive with no income for 2 weeks. It wasn't that I would starve, but I would need gas to get to work, there is only one roll of toilet paper left, and I am out of laundry soap. It appeared that my first 2 weeks back to work would be the hardest financially in the last 2 years. Today, I went to do what I thought was my last unemployment filing, only to find the system won't accept my return to work date of tomorrow until next week. I will receive unemployment pay this week for the last time. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. I could buy laundry soap, toilet paper, and have gas money.
The fact that being able to buy laundry soap could alleviate so much stress made me reflect on the last few years.
It hasn't at all been easy. It's been hard and stressful. There's been bouts of depression, periods of anger, there's been a lot of blame, there's been a lot of screaming. There's been late fees and collection calls, there's been tears. There's been feelings of despair and hopelessness, there's been a lot of sleeping. There's been mac n cheese dinners made without milk or butter, depending on which one we were out of. There's been small grocery lists and no mall purchases.
It hasn't been continuously awful. There's been at home movie nights and library trips. There's been bike rides and camping in the living room. There's been cooking together as a family, there's been hugs, there's been laughter. There's been glimmers of hope, there's been zero balances and pay offs. There's been a rebuilding on very personal levels.
We didn't lose our house, like so many did. We didn't have to pull our son from his school like others did. Our heat worked all winter, our lights always came on. I am typing this with an internet connection that never ceased. We were lucky to have family that could help out when things were really hard or with an unexpected cost that severely set us back. We had friends that invited us out and then wouldn't let us pay.
I'd be lying if I said shopping wasn't something that I was looking forward to, I really would love to walk into the mall and walk out with bags of clothes. I'd like to get highlights and a pedicure, two things that 2 years ago I did without a second thought. But things change. I have changed. I am looking forward even more to being able to pay my bills without a hardship, to my credit card once again having a zero balance, to building up a savings account that will allow me to sleep better at night. To buying laundry soap.
No comments:
Post a Comment